This is an excerpt from the book FLOPPY PARTS which focuses on one man’s battle with interpersonal relationships. “Not Good Sense” explains how my mind sometimes wanders into stories. FLOPPY PARTS may be downloaded or purchased at http://goo.gl/0Lt0O8
“NOT GOOD SENSE”
No one thinks MY tractor is sexy but…my thoughts are. I seem to do my best thinking when sitting on a tractor or a lawn mower. I do not understand why mowing my grass causes my mind to wander over a plethora of subjects, most of which have occurred in the far distant past and for some reason causes me to focus on my “little friends” or athletics or both. For clarification, when I speak of my “little friends” or floppy parts, I am speaking to or about my man parts and their effect on my miniscule male brain.
I may just be getting high off of the exhaust fumes but my wife calls what I am doing chasing rabbits. One of the newer verbiages in education has become the use of the phrase “bird walking” but I shan’t use educational verbiage but instead I think I shall use the archaic, yet applicable descriptor “wool gathering.” My wool gathering today has netted me “three bags full” of thoughts and probably will explain the less than tidy look of my yard. Please don’t tell Linda Gail about the small patch of iris that just got a closely cropped hair cut. I’m sure she will notice it all by herself. I don’t believe it is the actual sitting on the mower that triggers memories but rather the assault on my senses from the smell of cut grass and the feeling of perspiration that is soaking my clothes before finally pooling in the seat of my pants and in the bottom of my boots.
What seems quite bizarre to me is the falling domino effect that my memory takes on as one thought triggers another and another, on down the line at a speed that reminds me of a nuclear reaction. Much more than women, men are SO ruled by their senses. I still pick books by their cover, salivate heavily at the aroma of grilling steak or slow cooking BBQ, and still want a cigar anytime I taste Jack Daniels or vice versa. It would also explain why Playboy was able to have so many “thought provoking” articles and still be a top grossing magazine until internet porn took over. It also explains why beautiful and talented Julia Roberts ended up married, albeit briefly, to the very talented but yet bizarre looking Lyle Lovett. Men are driven more by their senses than women. Most women do find men’s brains to be sexy while men find women’s brains to be sexy if they are attached to a great set of…I will probably elaborate on this subject later but until you read my book you will just have to trust me. On this day it seems to be my sense of smell that triggers my memories. It is late August and although I have not coached football in over a decade nor played it in over four, it is the smell of fresh cut grass and later feel of oppressive humidity that takes me back to those early days of not only my youth but also my adulthood…and as crazy as it sounds my relationship and interaction with the opposite sex.
As I continue my ever decreasing circular path to nowhere, I am transported back to the old practice field behind my high school which always began the day wet with dew but ended the day as crusty and dry as the African Sahel. As I attempt to make sense of my mental wanderings I realize this field of athletic endeavor would be the beginning of my education, my meandering trip into adulthood and a journey that I have yet to complete or refine. It is inevitable that my senses will take me to a place I don’t want to go while sitting on a tractor. No matter how I battle it I am always drawn toward the opposite sex and the effect they have had on my own “floppy parts.” Hum, that might make a good title for a book.
Other books by Don Miller are