It is still over a month away from the winter solstice… the darkness is oppressive. Last night was thirteen hours, thirty-nine minutes and thirty seconds of rainy, cold darkness. It seemed longer… I was awake for much of it. I feel the darkness in my bones…in my soul. Tonight, darkness will be a minute and a half longer than last. I am already dreading it.
It’s not just the darkness, it is the angle of the sun, rising low in the southeastern sky and staying low, lower, lowest for the next…forever. I never saw the sun yesterday and won’t see it today. Wet, winter doldrums and it’s only the mid-way point in November.
The acronym SAD just doesn’t seem strong enough. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I don’t guess miserable fits…as an acronym. “I have MISERABLE!” Or WRETCHED…or DISMAL. On top of my spurts of just plain depression.
I have inherited much from my Grandmother. Love for growing tomatoes, reading, bird watching, and wildlife in general. I also inherited her depression. Gray days sitting, wishing, gazing out at the winter contemplating when the sun will return. I remember her “blue.” Wilting and turning brown like plants touched with a frost. I also remember her blooming in the Spring. Hope “springs” eternal.
I see people gaily dressed in ugly sweaters and hoodies. Embracing pumpkin spice and reveling in falling leaves and bonfires. Elves in red who can’t wait to get through Thanksgiving.
Give me the sun. Give me the hot and humid weather with mosquitoes and thunderstorms, lightning bugs and hoot owls to chase the darkness away. Give me the sun, long and high in the sky.
Daylight is finally upon me…its still raining so I can’t see the sun. A gloomy day that I feel cutting deep. I can’t seem to concentrate or sleep. My wife may be in for a rough day. I write, check social media, pick up a book and stare at pages without reading, walk around the fireplace and then do it all over again. I have a book ending to complete…maybe in the spring…or the summer, when my mind is not so fragmented by the dark.
Don Miller’s author’s page can be accessed at https://www.amazon.com/Don-Miller/e/B018IT38GM
Don Miller writing as Lena Christenson can be found at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B07B6BDD1
The image is from https://harrisrichard.com/tag/winter-sucks/